Day 41

Thursday

(I wrote this in an email and found it share-worthy:)

Being here has taught me a lot about love. You can grow up not knowing parents' love or finding love in all the wrong partners and still find a kindness in you that calls you halfway across the world to share it with others. But if you don't know God's love, you're numb to a lot of the things around you. You miss the point, the Big Picture. You miss the impact the people are having on you or the impact you could have on them. You're doing the right things for the right reasons, you just miss the mark. Your time becomes less about your WORK and more about YOUR time, YOUR trip, YOUR experience. It's easy to get sucked into it, too: wanting to get away from these people and travel around. But if you don't have that little voice that reminds you about why you're here, you follow through and leave your work incomplete. Thank you God for Your little voice...

But there's more than that, I've told you about the difference between Cameroonian engagements and ours, but really...they're quite similar. A patient was hounding Nick for not proposing to Lara already and we tried to explain to her that people in college, especially in the US, can't just have a ceremony in their yard and move in together. There's more to it, if you're mature enough to see it, you need stability before you take that on. The more I thought about it though, that's kind of like here but instead of 10 pints of Palm Wine we have a ring as dowry. Both cases require the father's blessing, just how they ask for it is different. It's the marriage that has a different love. Also, parents have different relationships with their children and it's very rare for them to tell them they love them, but they show them they love them through providing for them. One lady who cleans at the hospital has worked herself to the bone sending her children to school and university and is at wits end trying to get her last son to focus on school instead of sports. It sounds like something you'd hear in MS....aside from them never telling their children they love them. They don't say it because it shows too much relationship. Children are supposed to respect and be separate from their parents. Their parents don't show those kind of emotions to maintain an image of strength and power. Part of me wonders if this country is not so corrupt because of this false idea if images. I think my daddy is the strongest and most respectable man in the world and he still lets me sit on his lap, talks to me like a friend and has never once laid a hand on me. He's always loved me and told me so. Maybe it's the suppressed emotions and affections that are keeping this country from developing? I don't know....now I'm just rambling.

I re-read what I sent and thought of this:
No, I've decided the suppressed emotions could keep this place from developing. (obviously there are many other contributing factors) Because people refuse to show that they openly care about anyone else, they become focused only on advancing themselves, their own well-being and look out primarily for Number One. (Which it's understandable if you consider that if people who hardly have anything work hard to provide for their family shared with others, they'd have less to give their own kids and might have advantage taken of them. It's more self preservation than greed in most cases. In the cases of those government officials or large business owners though...) If no one sets aside their own desires and focuses on advancing for the sake of others, for the people, then this country will never advance. It will never develop.

After I'd written the email, I flipped through my Bible and came to Hosea and realizing I'd never read it or really heard many sermons from it, I decided to read it. The intro in my Bible (Message version) explains how Hosea tells a love story not like any we're used to: the love, lust, sex-fantasy stories we see on TV or read in books, but a real truth about what love is and how those lies can destroy our relationship with God and get in the way of receiving the full effects of His love. The entire book talked about love! God is amazingly blunt lately. The chapter is about how God was fed up with the corruption of Israel and how the people had the wrong ideas on love because they did not know God's love and how He would be merciful in the end and show His power through His love to rebuild them a strong and God-centered nation. Just like I got discouraged and frustrated with this place, God got angry with Israel but He chose to love it rather than turn His back on it. Not saying I'm God, just that if He's not going to turn His back on these people then I should not be discouraged or have such a negative outlook. I shouldn't turn my back either, but continue to find the good in the people and love them for it and let the other roll off my back.

I also thought about how those here who do get the big picture, those who strive to advance and go by it honestly, those who understand that they are not the only person in the world but can work together toward development, those are the ones who leave the country to further their education and experience. Those who want the image of riches and distinction return home and continue the cycle. Those who develop, the best and the brightest, those capable of advancing, stay gone and integrate into the rest of the world. That is very similar to what happens in Mississippi. Our best and brightest leave to gain riches or experience or both and never come home except to retire. Hardly anyone comes back to Mississippi to work towards advancing our state. That's why Mississippi is rated highest in obesity, teen pregnancy, illiteracy, STDs and has an extremely high percentage of people on federal aid. This trip has helped me realize this and that I don't want to be another one of those who leave to seek out my own glory, but be a part of something bigger than brings help (or “glory”) to many people right in my home state. I want to be one of the “best and brightest” that stays put and does the best she can do to fix the problems in my home state instead of run away from them. We always complain about the bad stigma people give the South and MS, but hardly anyone does anything about it. We have a state full of obese people with unhealthy hearts and no money. If I become a doctor, I want to help change 2 of those things: I want to use my hands to work directly on the damaged hearts to fix them and indirectly by educating my patients on healthy lifestyle changes. I want to develop programs for patients at all stages of disease to lose weight and get healthy and learn how to feed themselves properly even on a limited budget. (Don't get me wrong, momma. I still want to travel around. I still want to go on these “crazy trips across the world” and live without running water and too many bugs. I just want to take what I learn there and use it at home.) Anyway, I'm going to climb off my soapbox now...

Three volunteers: Laura, Lara and Nick, got sick this week. After eating street meat they were infected with intestinal parasites, that infection lowered their immune systems and they were also infected with Malaria. The three of them have had an extremely hard time with fever, aches and stomach problems. The illness paired with harsh medications have not made for an easy time. Luckily, they seem to be improving. Laura has decided to forgo Ghana and moved her flight home up to next Thursday. Lara and Nick are considering leaving about three days earlier than planned. I hate their experience here was messed up by illness. I pray they heal fast and God keeps the rest of us healthy.

Mom don't worry, aside from a brush with groundnut oil I'm doing alright.

I have two weekends left in Cameroon. That's....a weird thought. I think we may try to go to Limbe for the day on Sunday if Saturday isn't full of torrential downpours. We'd go Saturday but I think everyone will do better to have a few full days without vomiting or diarrhea before we all cram into a taxi.

Speaking of torrential downpours...

Last night I slept with the windows open and it rained so hard I couldn't tell which was louder: the rain hitting the ground outside or the roof over my head. I dreamed I was at a giant waterfall and could hardly hear the people in my dream. This morning the roads were flowing like miniature rivers. Thank goodness for my Bogs! They made the muddy trek up the mountain to St. Luke's.

There are 3 things I have used to no end: my backpack, my bogs and my rain coat. I don't think I'll ever travel again without them.

Day 42 Friday

Not too much has happened today. I went to work with Nick, we did dressings, rounds and afternoon medications and came home for lunch. I did my laundry on the porch and came inside to work on my experience descriptions for my application. UAC cyber has discontinued it's subscription to it's network provider so until they sign up with another company it looks like I'll be using the one next to the bakery. Which, for you guys, only means connection could be slower resulting in less time to chat and difficulty uploading these babies.

In other news, my phone decided to connect to the network this morning. I swear dark juju is messing with my technology! The first week here my computer fried, a week after having it fixed my watch stopped working. My phone stopped connecting to the network about two weeks ago and last week my watch decided to start working. The afternoon before my phone comes back my computer decides it cannot use it's battery for any reason and won't work unless it is plugged in. weird...

I'm positive you'll all be happy to hear:

Charles is doing AMAZING! He still has a slight infection on the drain site, so the doctor prescribed ten days worth of antibiotics. By the time he finishes his medications he should be ready to go home. His wounds look SO. GOOD. The nurse I'd argued with has had a change of attitude/heart only God could bring about in such a short amount of time. They have taken him on like their personal mission and when they go to do his dressings their entire demeanor is different. Today they entered his room dancing to make him laugh and have become extremely careful with their touch. It's been awesome to watch. The spot on his hand no longer needs a dressing; the small scab is left to do it's natural job. The place on his foot is healing nicely now that we are using vaseline gauze under the dressings to keep them from adhering to and removing the scab that forms. He should be starting to learn to use his crutches next week and go home by the weekend. He's been so strong!

I also have to apologize to JC, Jordan and the entire Phi Kappa Tau fraternity....

The nurses have started referring to G4 (the formerly ornery patient that refuses to let anyone but me do his dressings) as my husband. When they said that in the ward the other day, he just smiled proudly and the patient in G7 insisted that he was my “Papa” or Cameroonian father, then. I can't decide if I'm more happy or honored to have been adopted into a family here. These are men who spend all day and night together in the general ward, many are bed bound, so of course they would form family-like bonds and friendships. I'm just so grateful and honored to have been welcomed so graciously into their psuedo-family! These people are truly incredible. I'm pretty positive they've done more for me than I ever could for them.

When I typed that part about Charles above, it reminded me about our conversation today. He always has a Bible open on his bed and I've noticed it's always open to a different book. I asked him what his favorite verse was and he said he liked the entire book of Psalms. I showed him one of my favorite Psalms and we talked a little bit. Just now, it made me think about some of my favorite passages. Romans always comes to mind. There are so many passages I love from Romans!

11.36 says:
“Everything comes from him;
Everything happens through him;

Everything ends up in him.

Always glory! Always praise!

Yes. Yes. Yes.”

Most of my favorites come from Romans 12, though:

12.1 “So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life – and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops a well-formed maturity in you.”

When I re-read this for what could be the 200^th time this year, the part about the culture really hit me. Before I thought I could do that by avoiding sins I was tempted to fall into, but now that I have been immersed in a whole different culture I have been able to see good and bad things about my own. I feel as though I have a better understanding of how I was “fitting into my culture without even thinking” allowing it to always “drag me down to its level of immaturity” and how I can be “changed from the inside out.”

12.9-10 is pretty straight forward:

“Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle”

12.16-19 I liked before I came, but now it has an even deeper meaning.

“Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody. Don't hit back, discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do.”

12.21: “Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.”

It's close to dinner time now and outside is cooling off nicely. Today was sunny and warm...meaning it was sunny, humid and HOT. But it didn't rain so laundry could be done. I'll probably go “shower” now before dinner and before it cools off too much for showering to be comfortable. But first, I'll see why there are children crying on my porch...